No Touch Monkey!

It's our 8th Annual Loser's Ball Open House for people with nothing better to do.

So what do loser's do?

Harry Potter Movie Marathon!

Labels: The Cap'n

Infant Skeleton Found in Suitcase

PITTSBURGH (AP) -- An infant's skeleton was found in a suitcase by adult siblings cleaning out their elderly mother's house after she died, state police said.

The siblings did not recognize the suitcase as their mother's, but said clothes found inside belonged to her, Trooper Lisa Jobe said.

The suitcase was found under a bed Saturday. The woman, who lived about 30 miles east of Pittsburgh in Hempfield Township, died earlier this month. She was in her 80s and her surviving children are in their 40s and 50s.

Police did not immediately release the dead woman's name. They hope that a forensic pathologist can determine the infant's gender and how and when the child died.

The woman's husband died about three years ago, police said. The surviving children could not give police any information about the remains or how long they may have been under the bed.

How about Creepy Cool? Remember, it's always better when it's not your dead sibling. I mean for all we know, he/she could have been a bully.

News From AP

A beautiful illustrated time line of humanity that sums us up perfectly.

via-Stumble On

Is it wrong of me to notice that two young princesses are alone with a flute?

Is it equally wrong for Alessandra to back me up on this?

I mean really! What the hell is going on?

I'm certain that Belle is reading either The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty or Lost Girls.

Edit:Alessandra says, "It made me think of "this one time at band camp..."

Labels: Hot Cha Cha Cha Cha, Taboo

The remind me of super heroines. It's like they're armored with ink. This is very non sequitur with the words not matching the image, but it all makes sense to me. Clicking the pic takes you to Prick Mag a free down loadable tattoo magazine, with said tat babes in it.

Myself, I would love another tattoo. I always say, "Man, I'd get one but I don't have the money." And thanks to a Christmas Bonus, Gift money and Birthday money I have the scratch for a great tat, but now I'm stymied as to what I would get, and I think I'd like a nice bike.

The Many Faces of Capn Marrrrk - a photoset on Flickr

I got a crapload of Border's Gift Certificates for my birthday and Life Day, so I've been a busy, busy book buying bee. With the exception of Making Money (which is coming from the library today) all books have been purchased (or gifted to me) and are sitting on my book shelf ready to go.

Making Money: Terry Pratchett

The Boy Detective Fails: Joe Meno

I Am America (And So Can You!): Stephen Colbert

No Touch Monkey!: And Other Travel Lessons Learned Too Late: Ayun Halliday

The Real Animal House: The Awesomely Depraved Saga of the Fraternity That Inspired the Movie: Chris Miller

Water for Elephants: A Novel: Sara Gruen

The Perry Bible Fellowship: The Trial of Colonel Sweeto and Other Stories: Nicholas Gurewitch

A Dirty Job: A Novel: Christopher Moore

I'm so excited. I haven't really read a good non-Discworld book in years, and this season I've got a lot of written entertainment.

Labels: books

Awesome Image

Sigh...the things we do for love.

Happy Life Day

If you come to NTM, chances are you like to read, and will most likely get some sort of gift certificate for books in the next few days. If you do, I suggest you that purchase, as quickly as you can




Rumo: And His Miraculous Adventures by Walter Moers.

I can't remember when I've fallen in love so quickly with a book before. I happened across it in the Fiction/Lit section at Borders (as opposed to SF/Fantasy where I normally go and shrug off 99% of the fare.)

Here is how the reviewers decribe it: "An over stuffed confection...Cross Lord of the Rings with Yellow Submarine, throw in dashes of Monty Python, Douglas Adams, Shrek and The Princess Bride, season with more serious fare such as The Tin Drum and The Odyssey." and "Equal Parts Rowling, Adams and Shel Siverstein...a work of monumental silliness."

I mean, can you really go wrong with that sort of description? How about tossing in some Dr. Seuss?

But what is it about? It's about Rumo and his adventures. Think Dog Conan meets Wicked (the book not the play).

It's world building at it's finest. I can't talk it up enough and I'm only on page 137 of 687 (it's a $16 trade paperback so it's well worth it's price).

Labels: books, Gosh_Wow, Worth your time

Cyriak

I've been putting in about 1.5-2 hrs of drawing in everyday for several weeks now, and I'm working to develop the artists eye. But I have to admit, that this guy really has the eye of the 21st century.

I hope one day to have the confidence to produce some visual content for NTM.

...But Colbert did win one honor: He was voted AP Celebrity of the Year by newspaper editors and broadcast producers who said Colbert had the biggest impact on pop culture in 2007. He finished just a nudge above J.K. Rowling, who authored the final book in her enormously popular ''Harry Potter'' series. Finishing third was Al Gore, whose year included an Oscar, an Emmy, a Nobel Peace Prize and the global concert Live Earth...

...Colbert has declined interviews during the writers strike that has shuttered his show, but he told The Associated Press by e-mail: ''In receiving this award, I am pleased that I was chosen over two great spinners of fantasy - J.K. Rowling and Al Gore. It is truly an honor to be named the Associated Press' Celebrity of the Year. Best of all, this makes me the official front-runner for next year's Drug-Fueled Downward Spiral of the year. P.S. Look for my baby bump this spring!''

Julio Diaz, entertainment editor for the Pensacola News Journal, explained his vote for the faux newsman: ''Colbert is more than an entertainer, he's a force of nature,'' said Diaz. ''He's influenced the way we look at the news and even the way we speak. Whenever a major news story breaks, one of my first thoughts is what Colbert's spin on the story will be.''

Come Big Hollywood and give in to the writers already, I needs me some Report!

Writers...Hang Tough. Don't give in

are the words that caused me to wake up laughing this morning before the alarm clock.

Woman describing what went into her signature sandwich:

"First I spread a mixture of grape jelly and red pepper on the bread, followed by a layer of jackass donkey meat..."

"Chimp Scrotum"

Ahahahahahahahah


I know you had to be there, but when are the words "Chimp Scrotum" not ever funny? Maybe when you're told you've just finished eating a Chimp Scrotum sandwich, but I guarantee it's gonna be funny for everyone else near by.

The Annotated Pratchett File v9.0

This was brought to my attention today over at the Something Awful Book Forum. A collection of references from the USNET alt.fan.pratchett,alt.books.pratchett newsgroups.

This is why I love the Internet.

I beat the crap out of a 7 year old autistic boy and it felt great! I pummeled him to the canvas in the Round 1 of Wii boxing because he had previously beat me at fencing so I had to give him the beat down.

Tonight we are using our house to host a good bye party for our friend Blima, unfortunately it's currently snowing. I'll be surprised if anyone comes.

Update Party canceled. Unfortunately just as we were dropping the guest of honor off at her apartment, we got a call from a woman who caters tasty Brazilian food. She had 100 empanadas and was going to come to the party. D'oh!

Labels: ogre

"Web Implementation Specialist"

Web Implementation Specialist

Web Implementation Specialist

WEB IMPLEMENTAION SPECIALIST

Man that sounds important.

Q: What do you do for a living?

A: I respirate, excogitate, digestinate (yeah, yeah) and masturbate.

Q: I mean what do you do for work?

A: Ohhhhh! I. I am. I am a Web Implementation Specialist!

Q: What the fuck does that mean?

A: I means...I do whatever my boss asks me to do.

Alessandra was with her knitting group at a coffee house when she saw another woman at a table crocheting. She invited her over and that's how Carrie joined the group. Carrie's partner is Porkchop, and Porkchop posted the video at her blog. So that's how we discovered, The Go! Team

Imagine this

I am number 52 of 300+ people in line. We are waiting outside of a convention room filled with 1,300 lunching people who are here for the weekly company MLM signup rally. Many of us are wondering why we are in line, but we are all responding to a company wide email telling us we need to go down to the center and line up.

I know why we are there and after telling a few people in front and behind me in line, I dummy up because, talking leads to questions I can't answer and I hate talking out of my ass.

The line starts to move and we walk into a standing ovation of cheering people who high-five us as we walk around the perimeter of the room. As we get the introduction as the Best Employees on Earth, kind of thing. I'm not big on high-fives (but thankfully there were no fist bumps). I considered making a sandwich as we passed a buffet, but that would be crass as we were specifically told we would not be getting lunch here today.

Everyone finally comes rolling, and the company directors thank us all for our hard work over the course of the year, then they tell us that today is Christmas Bonus Day! Hooray! We get a X $s or each month we work for the company and this year...they are going to TRIPLE IT! I guess I can agree to clap for that, even though I don't dig big spectacles that don't involve rock music or burning men.

We are then called upon by name to walk across the stage and high five all the management team (3 of my 5 direct bosses are on stage) while Jock Jams is being played and again the crowd begins it's applause. There's now money involved, so you can high-five me all you want, though I did my best to turn them into handshakes (Thankfully again there were no fist bumps.)

Luckily for me, I was #52 though that means I was the 52nd most recent hire and I didn't have a lot of time in. So I got out pretty quickly, but I think I would have accepted all the Major Hoopla if I had a higher number.

You know, i've been saying for months, "Man I want to get an awesome tattoo, but I just don't have the money." And now that I have the money, I don't want to blow it on a tattoo. Damn it. I mean, I'm probably going to piss it away anyway, just not on some ink.

Still though, it was a pretty weird scene, which was cool because I live for weird. And weird where I get paid? Oh yeah baby, that's the best.

Boing Boing has reported that one of my two favorite fantasy authors Terry Pratchett has rare, early-onset Alzheimer's

Boooooooo! SSSSSSSSSSSS!

Then in the comment section it was revealed that the second of my two favorite fantasy authors Steven Brust is also very ill.

Fuuuuuuuck, man!

I came upon this picture at an unnamed country's official website. At first I thought, "Aww, how cute!" Then I realized what I was actually looking at, and now I wonder how a sea turtle would look encased in a baby skin. Pretty damn adorable I'll bet, especially if it were a baby turtle because everyone knows babies are cute.

In Toll Gate High School this week, the halls are abuzz with discussion of the first amendment. But the source of all the discussion cannot be found in any textbook. The thing that has the Titans talking is none other than a freshly painted, off-yellow blank wall. For the past three years, until two weeks ago, the wall held a mural by Toll Gate graduate Sara Barney. The mural featured a picture of a peace sign surrounded by people of all colors holding hands. The caption was a quote by legendary guitarist Jimi Hendrix, who died of a drug overdose in 1970:

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will know peace.” According to Toll Gate Principal Stephen Chrabaszcz, the mural was painted over after parents complained that Hendrix, as a drug user, should not be represented in a public school. Chrabaszcz declined to release the names of the parents who complained, citing that this would open them to unfair attacks.

"I agree with the parents,” Chrabaszcz said in a phone interview. “I just don’t want the kids thinking [Jimi Hendrix] is some great American hero. He was associated with the drug culture and that’s not something I want promoted in my school.” The school has not released a statement about the matter to students and, as of press time, has not yet briefed the faculty. The rumor around the school is that Chrabaszcz intends to replace the mural with the school's mission statement. As one result of the change, sophomore Victoria Hathaway started a petition that has been signed by more than 400 students and many teachers. The petition asks that the mural be recreated and the quote put back. It also demands that future changes be discussed with students and faculty...
Some students have been posting fliers featuring the Hendrix quote in the halls. A satiric reference to it was slipped into the dialogue of this year's school play. One student, Lindsey Lauble, even created a group about the issue on the social networking Web site, Facebook.com. The group is titled “If we can’t learn about Hendrix cuz he did drugs, NO MORE EDGAR ALLEN POE!!” "If we can learn that Edgar Allen Poe was kicked out of college for his alcohol abuse and drug abuse, we should be able to put up a quote that supports peace and love throughout the world,” said Lauble...

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Labels: Fuck The Man, The Man

The Santaland Diaries

The longer version is at the bottom of the page

Labels: a, Story Telling

We went to seeBodyworlds 3 Friday Night. It was incredibly cool. Normally I suffer from Thanophobia, several times a year waking up screaming as my own mortality smacks me in the face, but I still found the exhibit really neat.

I brought a sketchbook and did gesture drawings of the larger figures while Alessandra listened to the audio tour. When you walk in, they display builds you up to the with small things like skulls and bones etc. A 14 year old girl was there with her family, she kept asking, "Is that real? Is that real?" It kind of got on my nerves until I told her, "It's ALL real. Everything but the eyes." And that shut her up. You think people would know that going in.

I'm currently nursing a cold and reading World War Z, about the great Zombie War. I thought it would be campy, I was really surprised to be drawn into the story.

Blah blah blah, I just want to post a link to Bodyworlds.

Labels: Worth your time

I saw the movie last night, and while unfamiliar with the play, as a movie I found it flawless. I am not a Burton apologist, there are films of his I don't like, and I am a nit picker. I did indeed think this movie was without flaw.

The transitions between dialog and song were seamless, and I was able to forget that I was watching a movie and a musical.

As I was writing this, I thought about this difference between movie and plays. The actors have to go completely over the top in order to sell the character from the stage. In the movie, and this movie in particular, I think the acting is more nuanced.

That said, it's still Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and Alan Rickman. You never forget that, but at the same time, I think Depp has the singing chops to pull it off.

I did think, when the lights came up, that this would really fit the definition of Shakespearian Tragedy.

That all said, I think after the last scene fades to black...they need to show a picture of a frolicking kitten as a transition device to bring us back to the real world.

Still though, I'm going to have a Stromboli for lunch today because it's the closest think I can come to a meat pie.

Health advocates are setting their outrage phasers on kill over a McDonald's ad appearing on the report cards of Seminole County, Florida elementary schools. The ad promises free Happy Meals to kids with good grades, despite promises by McDonald's that they would ' ban advertising to children under 12 or limit them to food and snacks that meet certain nutritional guidelines.

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Oh, no, that [Romney]smarmy , smooth, slick as shit motherfucker made it all about giving props to the Christian nation. 'There is one fundamental question about which I often am asked. What do I believe about Jesus Christ? I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the Savior of mankind,' Romney said, licking God's taint while desperately jacking himself for the hoped-for delight of the Family Research Council and James Dobson. 'Americans acknowledge that liberty is a gift of God, not an indulgence of government,' he said, making sure not to neglect God's balls until the invisible pitcher of the ether was, in Romney's Joseph Smith-fucked brain, satisfied.

As for those who don't believe? We can pretty much go fuck ourselves: 'Any believer in religious freedom, any person who has knelt in prayer to the Almighty, has a friend and ally in me.' And if God's dick is in Mitt Romney's face when he kneels, all the better for the sucking because sucking God's dick is what God demands, right, evangelicals?

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Labels: Rock On

I was at the South Pole Space Dive Facility secretly trying on my new Space Diving suit. It cost $7,900 and Alessandra didn't know I blew that much money to ride a weather balloon all the way to the top of the world and jump.

Which I did. In my dream I had 13 minutes or so of free fall then a 70 minute chuted drift, and then I landed safely.

It was pretty cool, not nearly as terrifying at I thought it would be. My suit had a full bubble dome helmet though.

I think I got the idea from seeing this article in Popular Science at my In-Laws house over Thanksgiving. High Dive

Labels: Whoa

As long time readers of NTM know I, Cap'n Marrrrk, hate work. Even though my current job is going well, and the deadlines are not crushing etc. I could still totally do with more leisure time. I haven't read this article yet, but I'm going to assume it's all about the benefits and possibilities of How the Five Day Weekend Works.

Remember mateys, "Work is for Saps and Suckers." I'll always stand behind that no matter how much I like my job.

I Mockery Watches the The Star Wars Holiday Special so you don't have to.

Happy Life Day!

"[The] moment at which the stairway to heaven becomes something actually possible for the audience would also be the moment of greatest danger." So wrote no less an authority on the dangers of transcendence than William Burroughs. The quote is from a 1975 interview with Page in the rock magazine Crawdaddy. Burroughs was thinking of the risks posed to an audience by overexposure to the magical energy of Zeppelin's music. If that strikes you as hyperbolic, then we can assume that you have not listened to "When the Levee Breaks" under the headphones for quite some time.

Labels: Zep

Ice Cream!

Happy Birthday to me!