No Touch Monkey!

A totally tripped out commercial for Havaianas by Three Legged Legs studio.

Apparently your feet, when kept in SenseDep, hallucinate.

Eye Candyriffic!

BTW, I have a pair (bought dirt cheap in Brazil Proper), but what you aren't told is that while the sole is comfy, you need to develop a hard callous between your toes, because goddamn they hurt when you first wear them.

Ale knitted me a new hat. She out did herself with the multiple yarns and needles!

Click photo to enlarge.

Edit: Alessandra is gleeful at the positive reviews. Thanks.

There is a lot going on right and if you want to get a good idea as to what is happening and the Truth about Scientology, you can listen to a Radio Show that was recorded yesterday on WOW 98.3 FM with Mark Bunker of XENU TV.

Remember Scientology is not just a wonky Science Fiction Religion, but a heavy/big money, litigious cult.

Learn about it today.

I ran up to a comic store right up the street from my office today to pick up the final issue of Y: The Last Man. It was a very satisfying ending, but for reasons I cannot tell you here (lest I spoil it), I feel at the moment, as if I had been kicked in the stomach, and am sad.

I urge you all to read this fantastic series.

What's it about? Something kills the male of every mammal on earth except for Yorick Brown and his pet monkey Ampersand. Sound like a Paradise? It's not. In fact that's just the beginning of this action-packed, thoughtful, humorous and ultimately emotional story of Yorick and his companions as they search for the answer of "Why did this happen, and can we save the life on Earth?" All this while running from some very real threats that want to make sure Yorick Brown takes a dirt nap.

Labels: Comics, personal

40 Degrees! It was 70 at Noon, now it's 30!

I hate the cold.

That is all.

Labels: Nothing to see here folks-move along

This joke takes the long way around:

Last night Ale and I went to see The Tania Pérez-Salas Dance Company last night. As this example shows, it was very beautiful.




While we were at the show Ale spotted nasty top-knot/baby-boner ponytail on an older gentleman. Upon closer examination it was determined to an elaborate comb over of which I shall try to impart to you.



Yes I know that this is NOT a good drawing. That the ear is too high, and I had to move the eye back into position. The fact is, I'm not quite ready to get to faces in my lessons, but still I needed a face to show the hair. So I knocked out a quick line drawing of me.

Notice the male pattern baldness crown in the back, followed by bald spot and a long hair cover up.

The ponytail itself (what drew Alessandr'a eye to it) was ring shaped i.e. it swirled around and had a hollow middle.

So that's the story, and I hoe you enjoyed learning about one of the worst hairdo's I've ever seen.

It's like Dethklock but with "Grandpa's Guitars"

Labels: cool

Simon Hypno-Frog



River Kiff Croaker



The froggissies make a new friend.


Spot the Nerds

There are some names we use on a regular basis around the house.

Our Camera: Blinky The Simpsons

Alesanndra's iBook: Tianna Farscape

My MacBook: Serenity Firefly

Downstairs iMac: Leetah Elfquest

First Portable Thumb Drive: Savah Elfquet

Simon & River Firefly

Hypno-Frog, Kiff Croaker Futurama

Xena Xuxa

Who are the nerds? Why you, silly!

Labels: pets, The Geeks are my People

Fight Club the Musical?

Apparently the answer is yes.

[Palahniuk] confirmed that Trent Reznor (of Nine Inch Nails) will definitely be doing the music for the show! He went on to say that David Fincher has been working on making “Fight Club” into a musical for some time now, and it really looks like it’s actually coming together. I then asked him if this was going to be some off Broadway show or would it be a big production. He said that 20th Century Fox was a big part of making it all happen and he thinks it’s going to be a big Broadway show. I think he said that Fox was actually paying for the show to get made.

via FilmDrunk.com

I impulse bought a PlasmaCar on Saturday, after hearing Alessandra say she wanted one last month. They are great little self propelled scooters that kids and adults can ride. The serpentine manner of propulsion is rather soothing, it turns on a dime and is fun to tool around on.

Unfortunately, our front room (which we keep unfurnished) is a little too small to PlasmaCar around, so we have to return it. But when I came home from work last night found Alessandra driving around in circles with Lola in her arms.



How Freakin Cute! I had to take a picture, then get in on the act.



Lola enjoys riding around on my back, and I often just walk around the house bent over while she rides like a queen on her elephant.

We are going to spend the impulse plasma money on some frogs. See Previous Post

Labels: The Cap'n

I came home from work today and Alessandra said she wanted a Frog or a Toad to keep, but they didn't have a good selection at PetSmart. Luckily for me, my friend Sky is a Herpiphile and one day we went to a specialty reptile shop in South St. Louis. After a quick internet search for location, we found it and off we went.

We came home with two Dumpy Frogs (see link)


Fly not included.

So welcome to the family Simon and River. Eventually we will sex you, but for the time being, Simon and river will do.

Pink Floyd news Brain Damage - Roger Waters to appear on Saturday Night Live

Our friends in the US should make a note in their diaries, so that they don't miss the very popular NBC TV programme, Saturday Night Live. Scheduled to appear on the February 2nd show is Roger Waters, due to perform - certainly with Snowy White, possibly with his full band. Exact details of what they are to perform haven't been confirmed yet. However, current rumours are that with the current writers' strike in the US, Roger will be performing the whole of Dark Side Of The Moon!

The show airs at 11:30pm EST/10:30pm Central, but check local listings for when it airs in your area. Our thanks to Renate from the Snowy White fan club for the initial info."

Social isolation makes people stressed out and forgetful, but soon a drug could cure this problem. Late last year, scientists isolated a brain enzyme that triggers the "loneliness" feelings during periods of solitude.

More via-io9

Great strides in brain chem, fun. Hopefully in my lifetime all brain fuction related issues will be solved with a little happy pill that have no side effects. I doubt it, but it would be nice.

It was about how many 5th graders you could take in a fight, but unfortunately the test will not kick out results and takes you to a dating site instead.. Sorry.

Silicone–Based Chemical in Pizza Hut’s Cheese

Yuk! I prefer Pizza Slut, over any other delivery brand. So that's out now.

Labels: ugh

I am often asked many questions I cannot answer. So instead of saying "I don't know." I save time by saying "X" as X is an unknown variable.

The fact that I have to explain it to everyone, uses considerably more syllables and time up front, but I feel, in the long run, syllabic-conservation will occur.

Perhaps it will catch on as much as "You snost you lost" (coined by me) has not.

Labels: Nothing to see here folks-move along, The Cap'n

Your pizza is horrible. Eating one that has been freshly delivered is like chewing on a piece tomato-y cardboard. I won't deny that the top part is edible, but the soul of the pizza, the heart of the pizza eating experience is the crust, and yours is awful. Biting it, chewing it, and choking it down is akin to Charlie Chaplin eating his shoe in The Little Tramp.

I never eat your pizza because I think it sucks, the problem is, so much time passes in between facing your pie that I forget how bad the experience, and I think, "Man it can't be that bad." And invariably it is.

Sure I'm full, I was hungry, but at what cost?. WHAT COST. Much like a groupie getting backstage Motley Crue show: I'm bloated, dissatisfied and my jaw hurts.

Please do the world a favor and retire fat and happy to a private island somewhere and promise to never to inflict your pizza upon the world.

Labels: ugh

I can't imagine why?





Boo!

As told in spans of 30 second mind cycles as the project I'm working on downloads again, and again.

I'm doing an odd thing for work, making custom brochures but instead of building them in a layout app, I am building them in HTML for database generated custom pdfs?

It plays hell with design, so we are putting out a mediocre product that looks like it was slapped together in Word.

Anyway, every time I have to fix something in the layout, there is a 10 step process of button pushing, window switching, copying and pasting, followed by a 2 minute break. So here is the Big Fucking Post 2

Pinky Kicks Off
Apparently 3 weeks of not eating will kill your Betta. I'm not sure what disease he had. I tried all of them, but I think it may have been in the wrong order. It was a sad night, and I buried him out in the back yard with the African Clawed Frogs that died 5 years ago.

After reading the Discovery Magazine article about the intelligence of OctopI began to fantasize what it would be like to keep one.

I thought, with their intelligence perhaps we could put one in a mobile stroller tank and walk around the block like we do with our cat Lola. I went a little further and thought how cool it would be to let it learn how to operate some sort of self guided Octobot Robotic Cart...I think I'd love to work on drawing one out.

So on a whim I went to the Tubes to see about what it takes to keep an octopus.

Apparently, it's a big fucking hassle: Ceph Care Equipment List

Cephalopod Care Checklist

I would compare it to 1 octopus = 3 cats in terms of money, time and attention. I have one diabetic cat that's hassle enough. As I have to chase her down, take her blood sample and shoot her up before I even get my morning coffee. I can't imagine checking water chemical levels etc all the time, make sure its not escaping etc.

Plus, after all that work, they only live a short while. You no sooner get attached and bam! It's dead. Ale was upset when Pinky died, I can't imagine what happens when Ockty kicks it.

Forget taking Ockty for a stroll. As shy, reticent creatures, Ockty would die from fright! So no rolling death tanks for it.

Still though, it would be cool, but it would probably turn out like the time we snake sat for a friend of ours and totally fucked it up by teaching the snake there was such a thing as "outside," and he spent the rest of his waking time trying to escape (which he didn't do before). Then we fed him a live rat which scratched the shit out of him, that we had to tend to with peroxide to avoid infection, resulting in him writhing around in pain. It was a disaster, as would be keeping an octopus.

The Long Dark Thing That I Thought in the Night
That I had no local friends in meatspace, and no one who wasn't a professional, to confide my secret fears and talk to. That I am ghost moving through a world of shadows. To be someone, you need to be a part of, and I have no part, no identity. Perhaps I am suffering from Anomie. I push my family away in order to maintain the Status Quo of my childhood and adolescence and to power a Persecution Complex.

Hmmm. That about sums up what's been floating around my head.

Labels: The Cap'n, Things and Stuff, Too Much Information

Man, you can smell the crazy! It's all 6 parts of his acceptance of the Award for the Achievement in the Field of Excellence, or some sort of nonsense.

You can find (temporarily) better audio/video synched copies here

Labels: Holy Shit, Insanity, stupid-people

Lots of things have been percolating around my head for the past week or so, but I've been sloughing off my blogging duties. So now I'm going to dump it all out with the Big Fucking Post®

Media Rodeo:
I've consumed a crapload of Media lately and it's time to give my thoughts about how it tasted. Luckily for me, most of it was pretty tasty.

Production Note: How odd it is to listen to Rage Against the Machine at the office and not get up and start smashing stuff.

Books:

Making Money: Terry Pratchett.

A continuation of the much beloved Discworld Series. Not as great as the previous two books, but a fine book nonetheless. Like a visit from an old friend who hints at fantastic things for the future. It felt like a re-read even though it was my first time through it. A good use of time. B

The Boy Detective Fails: Joe Meno

What happens when an "Encyclopedia Brown" boy detective grows up and goes insane for 10 years? This book is bitter-sweet in theme and emotion, but reads like pure poetry. I think of this books as a delicate, china crystal, but with secret codes. Highly recommended. A+

No Touch Monkey!: And Other Travel Lessons Learned Too Late: Ayun Halliday

Yes, it was the title of this book that inspired the title of this site. Alessandra gifted it to me for my birthday. I'm currently using this book as a bathroom book. It's ok, and kind of amusing, but nothing I want to devote more brain cells too. I think the author is a little too knowingly hipster ironic, and as a result I want to smack her. Still though, it is well written. C+

The Real Animal House: The Awesomely Depraved Saga of the Fraternity That Inspired the Movie: Chris Miller

Do you like stories about beer, puking, beer, masturbation, beer, Negro Rock n Roll, beer, puking and sex? Apparently I do. I think one of the best parts of this book is the obvious affection Miller has for his friends, and how he talks about "where they are now." Very nice ending to an outrageous book. B-

The Perry Bible Fellowship: The Trial of Colonel Sweeto and Other Stories: Nicholas Gurewitch

You know, some cartoonists are hit and miss, but I swear these PBF comics make me laugh about 98% of time. That's a pretty damn high laugh factor. Therefore A

Television
The Daily Show/Colbert Report (w/o writers).
You know, for a show that has no writers, both of them seem very polished, as if they were somehow being written. I don't know what to make of it. They make me laugh, but it doesn't feel right because I support WGA and I want them working again.
No Rating

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles we watched the the first episode. It was ok, and I'll give it a chance but I have a huge problem with pacing and inconsistent television physics: If you're gonna hit terminators with cars, you are going to do a lot more damage to your car that currently shown...etc. Negative points for 2007 terminator head doing an Iron Giant with it's 1999 body parts, but Huge Positive for resulting human meat suit replacement. I love looking at the female leads.
C-

Flight of the Conchords
A Joy to watch. I just wish they'd get another gig. A

Movies

Production Note: I just learned that Alessandra and I have been exposed to Walking Pneumonia a week ago (with a possible 3 week gestation period), from playing with her nephew on his birthday. That kid was all over me, drooling and coughing. Son of a Bitch. Little Plague Factory!

I Am Legend. Christ this movie sucked. Sure WIll Smith did well, but playing Deus ex machina at the end. Shit man, if the last 10 minutes of the film is God's Will, then why the fuck did God kill off 99% of humanity? It's lazy, lazy Hollywood shit like this that makes me want to bite off my fucking tongue and start smashing things. F for story, B for Will Smith.

Stardust Neither Good nor Bad. I like Neil Gaiman's novels, so I suspect a lot of information that was integral to the story was lopped out. So I'm going to read the book instead. C

Photos



Alessandra made a couple of tiny Jayne hats to hang on our rearview mirrors. Here is Lola wearing one.



Because I love hanging out with my wife, I tag along when she goes to her knittitng group. There I just hang out and draw. Well one of the partners of a woman in her group has her Masters in Fine Arts and had worked as a characaturist in the past, so she knocked one out of me.

...more to come.

Labels: Things and Stuff

Who's There?

Nude Suits

I would like to think I would wear one of these out, but I just can't be positive I would. They are cool though. I think everyone should wear them.

An exploration of the brainpower of a lowly mollusk

via Animal Intelligence | DISCOVER Magazine by way of MonkeyFilter

In the 46th episode of Out There Radio, Raymond and Joe discuss the life and work of comedians Lenny Bruce and Bill Hicks, and their roles as 'social critics and secular moralists.' There are a *lot* of clips in this episode, so this is a great episode for both fans and newcomers to the work of these two comedy geniuses. Austin Gandy also returns for an Out There News segment which you won't want to miss. Originally released 7/3/2007.

via-Disinfo.com

Can you ever go wrong with Lenny Bruce and Bill Hicks? I think not.

Labels: Worth your time

Reversal Of Alzheimer's Symptoms Within Minutes In Human Study

Man spots wife during visit to brothel

WARSAW, Poland - A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees.

Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town.

"I was dumbfounded. I thought I was dreaming," the husband told the newspaper on Wednesday.

The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported.

Gee ya think?

How Sarcasm Works

Oh yeah, I'm reeeaally glad someone took the time to teach me about sarcasm because I'm not quite sure when I'm being sarcastic.

Cruising around the Tubes as often as I do, I see a lot of images grabbed and reused over and over. So it was with great pleasure that I stumbled across some great images here. I think the site is Polish, and there are a few Nazi pictures, almost all of these images are striking in their composition.

Since there are no explanations, or context for the photos. I decided to make up a couple of my own.


As Irma gazed lovingly into Prince X-9's light sensors she felt her love it grow to encompass the world. Would a kiss transform it into flesh and blood? Dare she try? What if she failed? Could she handle it, more so, what if she succeeded? What would her life become? Questions became more questions. Her brain was aflame!

"Beep Blorp Boop." thought X-9.



Hitler's deployment of the deadly Donkey Bomb came too late to turn the tide of WWII. Unbeknownst to him, the donkeys really enjoyed their Nazi Powered Horsey Rides.

You know...the donkey may not have the physiology for it, but I swear he/she looks happy.

Labels: Worth your time

I've always wished for a job where I would be very lightly supervised, with a light work load and generally left alone by my coworkers. So now I have it, and I am bored, bored, bored! I don't talk to anyone at my office nearly all day, and my boss is often out of town. There is no one in my wing of the building, it's heavenly. But by the end of the day, I have lost the capacity for speech. It's weird. There is no one at the office I can even relate to if I wanted to talk to people.

Circling the drain

Pinky, our betta, has been dying for 3 weeks. I was all for euthanizing him last week when by putting his bowl in the cold (it hit 70 today), I decided to value his little pink life instead. If I can value a that of a turkey I was going to eat, I can do the same for a fish. we've bought all kinds of fish meds and keep changing his water, but he just ain't improving. He hasn't eaten in 2.5 weeks. Come on fish, shit or get off the pot! Get well or die already. Your struggle for life is inconveniencing my emotions.

Spinning Wheels

I used my birthday money, Christmas bonus, Gift money and some extra funds to purchase a new road bike. I lose 13lbs of metal by switching bikes.

The Secret Late Night Thought
Was very personal and true for moment I thought it. Too raw, I cannot bring myself to write it here.

Labels: Nothing to see here folks-move along, personal, Things and Stuff

"TOM Cruise has been slammed in a new unauthorised biography which claims his daughter Suri was sired by the head of the Church of Scientology and Cruise himself has become second in command.

Author Andrew Morton – the biographer of Princess Diana - claims Scientology has taken over the 45-year-old actor's life, with its officials selecting many of the staff at his Hollywood mansion, according to the UK’s Daily Mail.

The shocking book also compares 20-month-old daughter Suri to the Devil's child in the film Rosemary's Baby, born by sperm donation from Scientology's dead founder, L. Ron Hubbard." More High Weirdness

Sorry I've been busy/lazy the past few days wondering what to post about. Got nuttin'

Here is a video of local burlesque duo Gravity Plays Favorites doing their thing. Not really safe for work.

Labels: Hot Cha Cha Cha Cha, Whoa, wooooooooooo