No Touch Monkey!

This is a critically endangered Mountain Chicken Frog



photo by
jallen "To Be" dragonhide

I was at a figure drawing dealy on Saturday Night and the Hostess' husband is a Veterinarian and Frog Biologist. He as a few of these fellows in the basement. Nearly wiped out by a fungus in Dominica, and eaten by the natives, The Mountain Chicken Frog is at the brink of extinction.

Jay King (whose house I was at) is currently one of the only people to breed the frog in captivity and certainly the first (as well as the identifier of the killing fungus). I was told there are 50-60 left in the wild.

Recently the Yangtze River Dolphin snuffed it, and many empathic internauts mourned. Will there be such an outpouring of emotion if the Mountain Chicken goes to the Great Sky Pad?

The more I think about it, the more awed I am that I got to see it. I sure hope Jay can help breed 'em back from the brink.

More info can be found at: MOUNTAINCHICKEN.ORG

Labels: Frogs, Whoa

I've been invited to contribute to a just moved Post-atomic.

Get yer daily dose of High Weirdness here.

I left my webcam on Thursday while working so Alessandra could watch me. These are the faces she captured while I did my thing. Note the confusion.



Jet laggy asynchronous thoughts:

The fear of being with my boss who I don't know that well on a trip was fairly large, but by the end realized he's pretty cool. A total work-aholic but very nice. He has big plans which appeal to me and make me really want to put effort into helping him achieve his goals.

My boss sailed through customs. For some reason someone didn't initially believe I was there on business. I was sent to another office to be asked, "Have you ever been in any trouble? Have you ever had any DUIs?"

"Nope I've been in recovery for 15 years."

The woman smiled: "Bill and Doctor Bob and Bill help you out?"

"Yep."

"You can go, have a nice visit."

I think it's because this post gets a lot of hits from Saudi Arabia, Iran and other parts of the Middle East.

I had to be up at 3:45am to get dressed and get to the airport. By the time we got to Montreal we were both picking up our second wind, just in time for our first meeting. Brainsssssss.

This meeting didn't really concern me, I wanted to follow along to give the appearance of paying attention, but after 20 minutes I was surfing and looking for good user interfaces inspiration and more code books to download.

For those who don't French is the preferred language of Montreal, all signage is subtitled with English, and everyone switches over without complaint. By the end of my trip my inner monologue had acquired a French accent.

It's nice being the client. Two very nice meals out, reasonably priced extravagance.

The guy I worked with on Thursday is of a similar nature to myself. When we finished he was surfing a Fantasy Satire Fan Fic site and later a French Canadian sex blog. Either the culture is much more at ease with it's sexuality or he figured since I couldn't speak French, I couldn't read it. However, clitoris is spelled the same in both languages.

Women in Montreal are far more beautiful than Midwestern women. Our best looking Midwestern women would be considered average in Montreal. Plus they have a more exotic look and are very, very stylish even when being casual. We won't get into the issue of weight...ok we will. Americans are fat and dumpy, Quebecois are not.

Apparently prostitution is legal in Montreal.

I did my best to be polite to everyone, everywhere. And my boss said we may go back this Summer.

Labels: work

Way back when, HypnoFrog was an outlaw 1 Percenter. The man was not going to keep him in a glass tank. Fuck The Man!



Later, when he had a bunch of little Wogs to take care of, HypnoFrog took a job as a courier.



Occasionally he and his Old Lady would go for rides around town.



When they were old enough, HypnoFrog expanded the business to included his children. Not all of them were comfortable with the concept of "Forward."

Photos and retouching by Alessandra who sure does crack me up.

If frogs are your thing: look no further:HypnoFrog & Kif Croaker

Labels: Frogs, Fun Stuff, too fucking cute

By the Mountain Goats by way of Alessandra by way of Lime n Violet Knitting Podcast



File under-Blogging by Proxy

Labels: Worth your time

How to Celebrate the Four Thousandth to Die For a Mistake (Advice in Bastardized Haiku Form)

1. The Gift Option
Sixteen miles or so
Of small intestines can make
Some very thick quilts

2. The Party Option
Six thousand gallons
Of blood is enough to fill
A dozen hot tubs

3. The Furniture Option
Eighty tons of bones
Could be used to build many
Comfortable chairs

Especially if
One upholsters them with skin
And stuffs them with fat

4. An Alternate Option
The eight thousand eyes
And eight thousand pairs of ears
Should be wrapped and shipped

In one large package
To 1600 Penn Ave
Washington, DC

When they arrive, Bush
Will wonder what they're used for;
Cheney will say, 'So?'"

The Rude Pundit

Monday after a 3 day weekend. It's warm and sunny in my office and I'm reading a book on XML code...I think I'll start my post.




Saturday we went to see Arch Rival Roller Girls Roller Derby bout. After 3+ years of supporting them spiritually and buying a shirt while they were still not even skating yet, the stars lined up and I finally got to a bout. Much to my surprise Alessandra really enjoyed it and wants to go back. I didn't think she would because she really doesn't like sports or crowds, but like me, she enjoys tattooed chicks knocking each other around. So we will go to the next bout next month.

St. Louis has a very large metropolitan area, and thanks to the lack of many civic centers and cross-cultural strips, it's rare to see people you know outside of their respective "counties." So it was much to my amazement when I saw my dentist and his wife at the Derby. Out of context, it took a few seconds to recognize them. Especially at a Roller Derby.

We sat together and cheered for the team who's side we arbitrarily sat on. And in a very rare event, was talk sports and sports smack. Alessandra: "When did you start booing?" "Who me? Nawww, I'm just cheering for Bruce Springsteen".

The Stunt Devils kicked The Smashinistas' ass! Yay Stunt Devils! Their Jammers really took control of the situation. Artemischief, a tiny, little (I want to say thing without being offensive) thing, outskated the opposing blockers and flowed through and around them like they were made of mist! The score 91-65!

Labels: tattooed chicks, Vavavoom

My office is closed today. Wheeeee!

But I still have to work. Boooo!

I have some reading to do before I go on my first business trip...to Montreal! Wheeeee!

I'm going with my boss. Booooo!

They want me to learn how the new travel booking engine works, so I guess that means they like me enough to spend the money to send me up for training. Wheeeee!

It's cold as fuck in Montreal. 10F. Boooooo!

So that means quilted pants and sweaters! Wheeeee!

But my boss told me to bring nice clothes in case we go someplace fancy for dinner. Boooooo!
2 Days in another city! Wheeeee!

I have to leave the house to get my work done away from the computer, and perhaps I'll take a bike ride later on in the day.

Pineapple tastes like Summer

You know it's going to be a funny dream when Jack Black makes an appearance.

I just finished reading Bluebeard by Kurt Vonnegut. The ending left me feeling really good. I thought it was a great book. I have Galapagos sitting downstairs. I should read it.

Last night Ale and I started watching Absolutely Fabulous from the beginning. Watching Edie stumble around drunk, and seeing it through her eyes made me totally flash back to my drinking days, it made me feel nauseous.

You know, I didn't even know Easter was this Sunday until, I think, Tuesday.



Stolen from
Flobbergobber

Labels: The Cap'n

We tested McCann's precocity-longevity hypothesis, which proposes that early career achievement is related to premature death, for Major League baseball players (N = 3,760). Age at debut was the definition for precocity. We controlled for possible artifacts of life expectancy selection, the "healthy worker" effect, player position, and body-mass index. Statistically significant Pearson correlations occurred between precocity and longevity, and remained significant when adjusted for artifacts. In a hierarchical multiple regression, every year a baseball player debuted before the average age of 23.6 years was associated with life span being shortened by 0.24 years. The results support the hypothesis that earlier achievement is associated with earlier death.

Because I hate you.

I was looking for an article on Proquest yesterday and cruising the publication list when I stumbled upon The Journal of Death Studies, which I thought was a pretty cool title for a journal and/or career. A quick glance at the article abstracts gave me this one, which as you can imagine, I think is pretty funny. I was always awful at sports though I tried them all, I just sucked and as a result I hate all organized sports (except for fighting robots and women's gymnastics).

So you there you go. Succeed early, die sooner. Do as I do and keep success as distant as possible and recalibrate your meaning of success. By my lights I'm doing quite well!

I just found out yesterday that Snickers is capitalizing on the trend of marketers shoving energy down our throats by selling a caffeinated Snickers Bar.


Based on the packaging, I think it contains Rhino Horn Extract. Boners for Everyone!

As if this weren't bad enough Snickers is trying to re-brand what I like to call, "Nap Time."

To meet consumer needs and help millions of Americans take back their energy-zapped afternoons, SNICKERS(R) Brand is proclaiming the post-lunch, pre-dinner hour between two and three p.m. the SNICKERS Charged(TM) Re-Power Hour.

I have to ask: why are our afternoons "energy-zapped"? I'd like to posit the theory that its because the American workforce has been pulled away from our natural sleep cycles by the 40 industrial work week. Thrown out of balance, we seek to stabilize our consciousness with sugar and/or caffeinated supplements. Which throw us further out of whack as the day goes on.

Ah who am I kidding, this is no theory this is fact. The fact is we need little naps around this time to maintain our physical cycles. But the Industrial/Consumer Complex demands workers to continue to feed the machine at all costs, and rather than fix the problem (by letting me take that 20 minute Power Nap), it creates "quick fix solutions" (which themselves cause more problems such as Anxiety Disorders, Obesity, ADHD and Tooth Decay).

Here is a review of the Bar

Snickers Charged - Candy Blog

Of course I'm not going to eat one, even though I have been known to enjoy the occasional Susie-Q... I have my 2 O'Clock coffee to keep me going.

via The Beautiful Kind - Ramblings of an Expert Slut and Nympho Sex Goddess (yeah, you so know you're going to check out this site...ya Pervs)

Labels: NTM, WTF

Me and my niece MacKenzie are watching cartoons.

Me: Hey MacKenzie, will you scratch my back?

MacKenzie: No.

Me: Why not?

MacKenzie: I already shaved my dad's back this morning.

Me: Years from now, when you are in the psychologist's office wondering where everything went wrong. You have to make sure you tell him about this. It will answer a lot of questions.

We spent the night at my sister's house last night to baby sit while she went out to a bar for St. Patrick's Day. I brought my Looney Tunes Vol. 1 over to entertain the kiddies.

This morning we were watching some more when I saw Porky Pig in "The Wearing of the Grin" in which some leprechauns royally fuck with his head. While it's not as wildly weird as a Tex Avery toon, it is a Chuck Jones and pretty damn funny.

So it was off to youtube for this one in honor of St. Patrick's Day.



Enjoy

Labels: Fun Stuff, Story Telling

Figure drawing tattooed women at Alex Grey's Chapel of the Sacred Mirrors. (NSFW if you live in the USA).

When I put my mind to it, I can think of some pretty inspirational places to do some figure drawing (like that Body Worlds Exhibit I drew at), but being in Alex Grey's gallery, and drawing would be be Super Cool.

Photo by Alessandra

Over the past twenty-five years, people have weathered dramatic changes in their experience of time, space, matter, and identity. Individuals cope daily with a multitude of changes in scale and pace—working across several time zones, traveling with relative ease between satellite maps and nanoscale images, and being inundated with information. Adaptability is an ancestral distinction of intelligence, but today’s instant variations in rhythm call for something stronger: elasticity, the product of adaptability plus acceleration. Design and the Elastic Mind explores the reciprocal relationship between science and design in the contemporary world by bringing together design objects and concepts that marry the most advanced scientific research with attentive consideration of human limitations, habits, and aspirations. The exhibition highlights designers’ ability to grasp momentous changes in technology, science, and history—changes that demand or reflect major adjustments in human behavior—and translate them into objects that people can actually understand and use. This Web site presents over three hundred of these works, including fifty projects that are not featured in the gallery exhibition.

Holy Crap! I'm busy drawing right this minute, but this is bookmarked for later!

I learn lots of things every day, but this just blew my mind. I'm sure you'll be overwhelmed (sarcasm.)

Ok, so the first time I listened to Pink Floyd The Wall in it's entirety was the same day that I watched the movie, almost choked to death on a piece of ice, on the same day that dropped acid for the first time. As a Senior, I was already out of school but my friend Mike from another school, had skipped that day to drop with us at another dude's house, and midway through the movie his mom found us at the dude's house and dragged him out of there screaming and hollering at him.

There was also a full stolen prime rib that was cooked and eaten, but that is neither here nor there. Unless it was actually a baby, I don't know I didn't see it go into the oven...but I digress.

After Mike was dragged off, I went home and listened to the rest of The Wall by myself in my tiny bedroom tripping balls.

It was a pretty intense day and it is a very intense album. I don't listen to it too often, and never all in one sitting.

I have Rebuilding The Wall a bluegrass version in it's entirety by Luthor Wright and the Wrongs. It's very good, and not nearly as intense.

So as an aside I decided to see what Wikipedia had to say about The Wall. And this is what I read.

Pink's mindset deteriorates behind his freshly completed wall, with his persopnal crisis culminating during an onstage performance. Hallucinating, Pink believes that he is a fascist dictator, and his concerts are like Neo-Nazi rallies where he sets his men on fans he considers unworthy, only to have his conscience rebel at this and put himself on trial, his inner judge ordering him to "tear down the wall" in order to open himself to the outside world. At this point the album's end runs into its beginning with the closing words "Isn't this where..."; the first song on the album, "In the Flesh?", begins with the words "...we came in?" – with a continuation of the melody of the last song, Outside the Wall – hinting at the cyclical nature of Waters' theme.

So thanks to digital technology, you can now play the last song first back to back with the first song, so you can hear the melody and the jump. I suggest you turn the stereo up real loud because it's hard to hear, and it freak your own shit out.

Pink keeps looping around, and around, and around...for-everrrrrrr.




The related thing I learned 2 weeks or so ago

That the band Disaster Area in Douglas Adams' Restaurant at the end of the Universe is based on Pink Floyd. Disaster Area's concerts end with them smashing a starship into a sun, causing wild supernovas, and Pink Floyd has the song, Set The Controls to the Heart of the Sun

I new DNA was a Pink Floyd friend and fan, and that he named the album The Division Bell and for his 50th birthday got to play guitar on stage with them. I also knew Floyd had the song, but I didn't have the connection between the pieces of information to bridge the gap.

I like the feeling of connection when it comes together. Yesterday I heard a song on a Brazilian soap that sounded familiar, and after a few minutes of mental wrestling with 10,000+ songs in my music collection I was able to pinpoint it to a song by The Dandy Warhols.

Labels: WTF

ABC News' Jonathan Karl Reports: The Bush Administration apparently does not want a U.S. military study that found no direct connection between Saddam Hussein and al Qaeda to get any attention. This morning, the Pentagon cancelled plans to send out a press release announcing the report's release and will no longer make the report available online.

The report was to be posted on the Joint Forces Command website this afternoon, followed by a background briefing with the authors. No more. The report will be made available only to those who ask for it, and it will be sent via U.S. mail from Joint Forces Command in Norfolk, Virginia.

It won't be emailed to reporters and it won't be posted online.

Asked why the report would not be posted online and could not be emailed, the spokesman for Joint Forces Command said: "We're making the report available to anyone who wishes to have it, and we'll send it out via CD in the mail."

Another Pentagon official said initial press reports on the study made it "too politically sensitive.

I haven't posted a political post in ages because there are other blogs that do it far better and more regularly than myself. I have been paying attention and I am sick to fuck of our Government.

Warrantless wiretapping, retroactive immunity, water boarding...the whole Bush Administration makes me want to fucking puke. I don't feel any safer, I'm looking out my window right now at 4 traffic cameras. I'm disgusted beyond all words.

Some folks say that we anthropormorphise our pets too much, and that they don't love us the same way that we love them. But I mean look at this!



I took a nap on Saturday afternoon and Lola came up, kitty kissed me by rubbing her face in my beard and took up this position for an hour! It's clear that she feels what I would consider both affection, security and a state of happiness being in my presence that i would call love. And when she got up with me she was Chirping



It was so nice! I wish we could sleep like that all the time!

Labels: too fucking cute

I was idly flipping through the local Alt Weekly when I came across an article with a picture of a woman I used to know it.

Clayton police referred the case to the FBI. According to a Clayton PD memo, in July of last year an FBI agent notified the department of an alleged domestic disturbance at the Gladneys': A confidential informant told the FBI that Gladney threw a beer bottle at his wife on July 18, and that Susan Wu had a black eye and bruises on her legs the informant felt had been caused by Gladney. The document shows that Wu asked the informant not to leave the house.

Clayton police twice tried to check on Wu, according to the memo, but no one answered the door. On the second occasion an officer saw the blinds of a third-floor window open and close. "It is to be noted that A. Gladney has a sophisticated surveillance system with cameras around his house as well as access to numerous weapons," states the memo.

In a motion to deny bail in the extortion case, Assistant U.S. Attorney Howard Marcus cites Gladney's collection of Asian anime porn, including one DVD that "contains animated graphic depictions of abductions and rapes." He also quotes a letter written by Susan Wu that was seized by the FBI. "I cannot take another episode where Andrew's 'righteous' anger that [sic] flashes into his terrible violence," reads the letter. "At one point, he had tied and gagged me with duct tape. Then terrorized me with descriptions of my torture and death. At one point, Andrew chased me out of the home, holding a gun, telling me that he is going to shoot me in the head."

Both me and my friend Rich had crushes on her about 15 years ago. And at one point, I tried really hard to get her to break up with her boyfriend so I could date her. But alas, I wasn't the one to do it.

This is the first physical abuse story of someone I know of, and it really saddens me because Sue is a very nice woman. And it appears, she's really been beaten down because, according to the article, she faithfully visits her husband and talks to him on the phone regularly.

Bleh, the whole thing just makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it.
Rat fucking bastard should be beaten death.

Labels: WTF

Events saved up for a longer post.

Work
Hopefully this will be the last time I mention it because I'm getting sick of saying it. Perhaps I'm not getting the feedback I desire. Let me preface by saying I like my job and what I do. I get to use my brain to be creative and solve problems with a minimum of pressure.

I also now have an "apprentice", which pretty cool. I have a chance to help someone out at the beginning of their career in a way that is the opposite of how my career worked out. There were times that I offered myself into an apprenticeship and was refused, and other times where people actively worked to keep me from learning from them, and it's nice to give someone a leg up rather than a boot in the face.

There are the some weird-ass irritants at this place. I guess that's how I need to mention it as they don't really count as actual negatives.

1. This office/town creeps me the fuck out. As I had mentioned elsewhere, there are no good looking people in my office (with the exception being me). No eye candy kind of bums me out. Not only that, but there are so few good looking people in Edwardsville (30 miles from my house), that I haven't seen any in recent memory. I'm looking, but everyone is so dumpy looking or very hard faced. It's odd.

1b. There most people I'm looking at here are really obese.

2. My boss, while mostly nice, bugs the crap out of me. His voice and attitude is a lot like the character John Hill who was Sam's nemesis on "Cheers". When he speaks more than 2 sentences to me, I feel a ghost urge to hit him. It is of such tone and timbre as to sound like a nasal chain saw. I'll leave aside his old school "I program everything by hand and distain GUI interfaces for web building and coding applications. But thats how he refers to everything.

3. I have to peers. The only people I deal with all day are my boss who's older and I can't relate to, or my apprentice who is too young and I can't relate to.

4. Our internet sucks. For a web company, our bandwidth is awful.

Still though, I get paid very well for what I'm doing. I can live with it.

An anecdote

8 months ago I applied for a job at place I desperately wanted to work at. I created an animation of their work and placed it on YouTube to show what I can do on short notice and waited on pins an needles only to totally blow the interview.

Two days ago I recieved an email from them! Whoo Hoo! They remembered me, they want me!

"Please remove our copywrited work from YouTube!"

WHAM!

punch in the belly.


Speaking of punch in the belly
I was listening to the sorry state of St. Louis Radio this morning on the way into the office and I heard an acoustic/blues/shotgun version of Born in the USA. It was like a lead pipe upside the head of emotion. Wow. Seek it out.

PlattsFacts
Did you know that I think the everyone in the world is stupid? This also includes me. It especially includes me.I said this first part to my Mother-In-Law last night in conversation, but neglected to mention the second part even I thoroughly believe it at this time. See what I mean?

Finally, this week is Alessandra's Birthday Weekend! Party, party, party

Labels: Too Much Information

No he just fainted.



See? You can learn something new everyday by reading No Touch Monkey.

Labels: Ahahahahaha

The New York Times used words like "cult object," "majestic," and "titillating"; the Economist called it "ingenious" and "sleek." The subject of these encomiums is, incongruously, a commercial coffee machine—the Clover 1s, an $11,000 device that brews regular coffee (not espresso) one cup at a time. Could the Clover represent that much of an advance in the state of the coffee art? more

The idea of a perfect coffee maker has been around for years. SF author Spider Robinson that also added, sugar, cream, whiskey, whip cream and cleans the glass when you're done.

It looks like this is bold step in that direction. I can't wait until I am in such a place where I can sample such a heavenly brew.





Awesome coffee mug can be purchased here:Thabto - The home of innovative, off-beat design

Labels: coffee

A very interesting article written by David Apatoff at Illustration Art




This famous painting by Gustav Klimt was displayed for years as a "national treasure" in the elegant Belvedere Palace in Vienna.

When a dispute arose over its ownership, it became the subject of international diplomacy. Teams of lawyers, cultural officials and politicians debated the significance of the painting in front of international tribunals. Nine aging justices on the US Supreme Court deliberated its status under the Foreign Sovereign Immunities Act. World leaders recognized it as raising questions of national identity and sovereign power. Eventually, the picture was purchased for $135 million, the most expensive painting ever sold at that time.

As you might expect, conditions were very different when the painting was first created...more

Today is the 26th anniversary of the death of John Belushi. I learned this when I went looking for his "March comes in like a" sketch on SNL, because March does in fact come in like a...

Unfortunatley, NBC has yanked nearly all SNL pieces from the web, so I am stuck with a clearly inferior method of comedic media delivery: transcript. If you've ever seen it, just try and picture/hear it. To those who aren't...sorry.

Chevy Chase:
Last week we made the comment that March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Now here to reply is our chief meteorologist, John Belushi, with a seasonal report.

John Belushi:
Thank you Chevy. Well, another winter is almost over and March true to form has come in like a lion, and hopefully will go out like a lamb. At least that's how March works here in the United States.

But did you know that March behaves differently in other countries? In Norway, for example, March comes in like a polar bear and goes out like a walrus. Or, take the case of Honduras where March comes in like a lamb and goes out like a salt marsh harvest mouse.

Let's compare this to the Maldive Islands where March comes in like a wildebeest and goes out like an ant. A tiny, little ant about this big.

[holds thumb and index fingers a small distance apart]

Unlike the Malay Peninsula where March comes in like a worm-eating fernbird and goes out like a worm-eating fernbird. In fact, their whole year is like a worm-eating fernbird.

Or consider the Republic of South Africa where March comes in like a lion and goes out like a different lion. Like one has a mane, and one doesn't have a mane. Or in certain parts of South America where March swims in like a sea otter, and then it slithers out like a giant anaconda.

There you can buy land real cheap, you know. And there's a country where March hops in like a kangaroo, and stays a kangaroo for a while, and then it becomes a slightly smaller kangaroo. Then, then, then for a couple of days it's sort of a cross between a, a frilled lizard and a common house cat.

[Chevy Chase tries to interrupt him]

Wait wait wait wait. Then it changes back into a smaller kangaroo, and then it goes out like a, like a wild dingo. Now, now, and it's not Australia! Now, now, you'd think it would be Australia, but it's not!

[Chevy Chase tries to interrupt him]

Now look, pal! I know a country where March comes in like an emu and goes out like a tapir. And they don't even know what it means! All right? Now listen, there are nine different countries, where March comes in like a frog, and goes out like a golden retriever. But that- that's not the weird part! No, no, the weird part is, is the frog. The frog- The weird part is-

[has seizure and falls off chair]

I'm pretty sure this will do it. It did me.

It's the Blind Boys of Alabama doing Stevie Wonder's Higher Ground

Labels: Worth your time