No Touch Monkey!

Find Fishman

2008-07-03T15:48:00.000-05:00

This was passed along to me today via Facebook. Dave Fishman was my pledge brother in AEPi back in what 88? And he is lost to the mists of time. I haven't seen him in nearly 20 years, but someone is looking for him. I've wondered from time to time what happened to him and where he went. I found this little site very sweet. Have you seen him?

Dave is the kind of guy you want to hang with for a weekend, he's loud, provocative and annoying after a while, but he is always fun to hang with - for a weekend, like we said. Don't get us wrong, we're not inviting Dave to come spend a weekend with us, we're actually not even inviting Dave over at all - but we would love to catch up.

Why I love Terry Pratchett

2008-07-02T14:51:00.002-05:00

This is a quote from the book Night Watch which I'm currently reading and this quote really stood out.

The context is that there is a revolution brewing in the streets of Anhk-Morpork, and commander of the watch Sam Vimes knows with certainty that it's going to fail via Time Travel knowledge.

There were plotters, there was no doubt about it. Some had been ordinary people who'd had enough. Some were young people with no money who objected to the fact that the world was run by old people who were rich. Some were in it to get girls. And some had been idiots as mad as Swing [a character], with a view of the world just as rigid and unreal, who were on the side of what they called "The People." Vimes had spent his life on the streets and had met decent men and fools, and people who'd steal a penny from a blind beggar, and people who performed silent miracles or desperate crimes every day behind the grubby windows of little houses, but he'd never met The People.

People on the side of The People always ended up disappointed in any case. The found that The People tended not to be grateful or appreciative or forward-thinking or obedient. The People tended to be small-minded and conservative and not very clever and were even distrustful of cleverness. And so, the children of the revolution were faced with the age-old problem: it wasn't that you had the wrong kind of government, which was obvious, but that you had the wrong kind of people.

As soon as you saw people as things to be measured, they didn't measure up.

What would run through the streets soon enough wouldn't be a revolution or a riot. It'd be people who were frightened and panicking. It was what happened when all the machinery of a city faltered, the wheels stopped turning, and all the little rules broke down. And when that happened, humans were worse than sheep. Sheep just ran; they didn't try to bite the sheep next to them.

Whose fault is it if we get burned? Ours of course

2008-07-02T13:45:00.002-05:00

If we get burned it's our own faults.

I'm not always the smartest Cap'n. I'll be the first to admit that, as well as not being perfect AND being lazy.

So First Mate and I need some work done on our house, just some general scraping, painting and cosmetic work. We are referred a guy named Bill by our Elderly Widow Neighbor Ruth who says he does good work. We get a business card.

Mate calls Bill: He says he'll come over next week, look at the house and give us an estimate. A week goes by. No Bill.

Mate calls the second number on the card, Bill's Partner?: Not anymore, "I haven't worked with bill in over a year. He's still using that card? Yea, that is weird."

Another call is put into Bill. He says his computer went down. He'll come over on Saturday, 10 am to do the estimate. Saturday arrives, Bill shows up a 6pm.

He gives a great price, but we have to pay 1/2 up front for supplies. We think about it just long enough for Bill to walk out the door and then say yes.

Bill comes over to collect the check. "Hey uh, can you make this check out to me instead of the business? If it goes to the business, it takes 10 days to clear." Mate tells me No because she wants a check made out to a company and not a person.

Message from Bill on the Phone the next day: "Uhhh, I have to come get a new check because the Bank put a stop on the company account because someone stole my checks out of the truck and used them so they closed the account, so it has to go through my personal account. When Bill returns the check we gave him we can see he scratched out the company name and wrote his name on the check. Gee I wonder why the bank didn't take the check?

A week goes by. The check is cashed. No work done yet. 1/2 week goes by. Mate calls Bill: "Oh I'm going to start work tomorrow. I was going to come over because I lost your phone number and tell you that. Also someone borrowed my tall ladder and didn't return it, so I had to buy a new one."

Clearly this man is a liar, and based on my "professional" opinion an alcoholic loser (based on general appearance and speech), BUT it's almost too much hassle to try and get the money back from him (at this time) and look for someone else to do the work. Plus he's probably already bought the materials.

Of course, looking into the future. It's probably less hassle than he potential hassle, but being the lazy man I am, I am choosing to ignore the red flags and hope he does a good job.

I mean, how far off can a elderly, possibly senile old widow be?

Don't Fuck With The Duck!

2008-07-01T09:45:00.005-05:00

This Morning's Dream:

I am Donald Duck and Sasquatch has kidnapped my wife Daisy Duck (who I know is Alessandra).

He is on the run to an island off the coast of Alaska. All I have to stop him is gun that shoots water balloons. Which is ineffective.

For some reason Sasquatch decides to take a slow boat, while I take a plane.

I get to the island before Sasquatch and my wife. It is there that I discover that water balloons can freeze and my silly little plastic gun is an ice ball cannon.

Sasquatch is fucked as I fill him full of giant cartoon holes because I've loaded up my ice balls with rocks and frozen grapes. Daisyssandra is mine!

I wake up.

Why Donald Duck? I've discovered that I have a 2 day delay between when I observe something and when it arrives in my dreams. Because I am a lazy man, I have never gotten around to transporting the copy of The Life & Times of Scrooge McDuck from my nightstand to the bookshelf. It's been there for months. And occasionally while Alessandra is getting ready for bed, I page through it and marvel at the art work (which I did Saturday Night), as well as eat grapes and buy some frozen blueberries (which have a funky texture in the bag).

Errata: I munch a lot of ice (which probably figures into the dream as I've been eating a lot of Sonic ice, the best ice in the US) and I bit the tip of my tongue which now sports 2 little cankers on the tip. And they sting something fierce! Talking hurts, eating hurts, even sleeping hurts because I rasp my tongue across my teeth. I've been rinsing with peroxide and putting Zilactin-B on it. The B stands for Benzocaine. It protects and numbs my tongue for a bit, and coats it with some goo, but applying it is like sticking my tongue with a tack and/or splashing acid on it. I want to scream. I have no idea how on earth anyone could possibly live through a tongue bifurcation.

Keeping up my weirdness street cred
I discovered Sunday night that if I type "Say" into my Terminal on my mac that it will use a speech synthesizer. So I used it when I answered the phone when I got a call that night. Wouldn't you know it, it was a telemarketer! Unfortunately I didn't make it past, "She's not here right now" before they hung up. I would have like to carry on a conversation. Maybe next time.

I Love this Tat

2008-06-29T21:12:00.001-05:00

Prostitue Fashion Show in Madrid

2008-06-29T14:25:00.002-05:00

"Ladies of Madrid’s long and hot evenings strut their stuff on the runway in an attempt to improve their status in their neighborhood. The fashion show appears to have been quite well attended."

via Neatorama.

Cap'n Marrrrk is Pro Prostitute. It's something that should be regulated,and legal to avoid the sorrid business of STDs and such.

The Coffee Alchemist is dead

2008-06-27T16:42:00.002-05:00

Now that I have run out of coffee after the weaning process it's time to close up the Lab, put away the presses, the filters, and the airtight containers.

Sigh....

My appetite is getting stronger without my Black Mistress.

Tomorrow I officiate Crazy Legs Dave's wedding at a Glass Factory! Coolness

The other day I ran nearly 6 miles by the time my workout was complete. Oddly enough my heart rate hasn't dropped that much so I need to wear my monitor and keep within my 75-85% of my max so I work aerobically and not anaerobic.

On Tuesday I bumped a car while parallel parking and the guy, who was sitting in a restaurant came running out to yell at me. Of course there was not even a scuff mark on his license plate, and while he was yelling, I said, "If you want we can call the police." and he backed down. Alessandra and I ate our entire meal and when we went outside to the car we had seen that the doofus moved his car 1/2 a block down? WTF. Alessandra just figures he's a secret car fucker.

Bad guys really do get the most girls

2008-06-25T15:43:00.001-05:00

NICE guys knew it, now two studies have confirmed it: bad boys get the most girls. The finding may help explain why a nasty suite of antisocial personality traits known as the "dark triad" persists in the human population, despite their potentially grave cultural costs.

The traits are the self-obsession of narcissism; the impulsive, thrill-seeking and callous behaviour of psychopaths; and the deceitful and exploitative nature of Machiavellianism. At their extreme, these traits would be highly detrimental for life in traditional human societies. People with these personalities risk being shunned by others and shut out of relationships, leaving them without a mate, hungry and vulnerable to predators.

But being just slightly evil could have an upside: a prolific sex life, says Peter Jonason at New Mexico State University in Las Cruces. "We have some evidence that the three traits are really the same thing and may represent a successful evolutionary strategy."

More via - New Scientist

Dicks.

Bookmarked for later reading

2008-06-24T10:09:00.000-05:00

Psychology Today Blogs: "George Carlin's Last Interview"

Remembering George Carlin : NPR

2008-06-23T14:21:00.001-05:00

Remembering George Carlin : NPR

More than 7 Dirty Words

2008-06-23T07:18:00.005-05:00

Remember as you read the quick quotes that pop up today about George Carlin's Death, and the bummed out eulogies (of which I am indeed bummed out), that he was far more than "The Hippie Dippy Weatherman" and the 7 Dirty Words guy. George was a Master of Observation, and the foundation of his humor was NOT about the silly little foibles of American Culture that make us chuckle, but focused on the the major train wrecks and squandered birthright of the human animal.

He hated humanity in the general and loved individuals in the specific, and I'm glad he lived long enough to make us squirm with discomfort when faced with the mirror then achieve catharsis with laughter. At the end he was a cranky old-fart, with a laser-eye and the courage to tell us all to fuck off. And for that, I'll miss him.

Here are a few links I'd posted the last couple of years.

Dumb Americans

Fuck The Children

"101 Greatest" George Carlin Quotes

addendum: You're All Diseased (entire show)

A nice break for a change...

2008-06-20T23:13:00.003-05:00

I'm so used to the world shitting on me (yes, yes the Eternal Victim), that it's a great relief when something nice happens for a change.

It's rather crass to complain about not having air conditioning when folks a few hundred miles to the North are losing everything, so I didn't. However the pleasant surprise came when the Home Shield Insurance pretty much paid for a whole new fucking unit!

What I mean by "world shitting" is this: usually things don't break my way when it comes to...uh stuff. You know, you take the car in for an oil change and you end up needing a new clutch, kind of stuff. You know how it goes...but oddly enough, as I get older, I know this really isn't the case, and even as I write this, I can think of two recent things (not including getting a job at a place I actually argued against my skills with the recruiter), that broke my way. So I know this is a gross exaggeration.

So I come home today and there is a brand new AC unit on the side of the house, Ale tells me that we only paid $300 for labor but that all the equipment outside and downstairs would have run us over $1500, so a big honkin' W00T! on that.

On a side note: Today was also Super Hot Chick Day at Boot Camp. It keeps my attention. Somehow I became a group leader, so I ran the class today. I'm really beginning to love the endorphin rush after class, and it was a drag that there were 5 days between classes I could make it. I think I'm going to be hurting tomorrow. Luckily, my recovery time is much quicker now.

Urrrrrrrr!

2008-06-19T09:53:00.002-05:00

For heath reasons I have to give up coffee, and I am miserable without it. I've been weening myself off it and I'm down to 1.5 cups of half caff a day. World around me is a crushing dullness of slowwwwwww. I'm afraid of gaining weight from an increased appetite. It doesn't help that last night I ate a thick-ass Fried Bologna Sandwich with a side of Mac n Cheese.

At work there are two women who work in the same department at my office. They often walk by my cubicle together. They are both very nice...BUT one is a Little Person and the other is very obese and every time, I can't help but wonder how many of the small one would equal one of the big one.

Bumper Sticker Sighted: Children are Gift From God.

Yes at least until they stab you when you're sleeping or some other such foolishness: 17 Gloucester High teens involved in pregnancy pact

There is a data provider who has a product called Amadaus. So when I said, "Rock me Amadaus!" One of my workers said, "What?"
"You know...the song: Rock Me Amadaus!"
"I never heard of it."
"It must be because I'm Ollllllld! Oh there's Old Man Mark again talking about the 80's when I was just a baby!"

I didn't even attempt, "Dr. Zaius"

I say: The Less Breeding Here, the Better

2008-06-18T11:03:00.000-05:00

Sperm count concerns specialists

Two years ago when fertility specialist Gil Wilshire came to Columbia from his practice in New Jersey, one detail jumped out at him. His male patients in Mid-Missouri were much less fertile than those he treated on the East Coast.

"Nobody I saw had a normal sperm count," said Wilshire, a reproductive endocrinologist at Mid-Missouri Reproductive Medicine and Surgery Inc. "It took about two or three weeks until a normal semen analysis came through the door. I kept asking myself, ‘Am I in a hellhole of toxins?’ "

Danny Schust, another endocrinologist who arrived here from Harvard University in 2006, had an almost identical experience. He was accustomed to treating men with low sperm counts, but those he saw in Missouri all had low counts.

"I went to" an andrologist at the Missouri Center for Reproductive Medicine and Fertility. "And I said, ‘Are you guys doing something different here because I never see normal sperm counts?’ " Schust recalled. "And she was like, ‘No, this is Missouri sperm.’ "

Their stories are part of a chorus of local people who work in the field of male fertility asking questions about low sperm counts in Mid-Missouri. Some suspect pesticides have percolated into ground water, but no definitive link is known. They say they are frustrated by the lack of attention to the problem and the lack of funding for further research.

More

If you look at the chart on the right side of the article, you will see that more interesting places have higher sperm counts, which lead me to the theory that the sperm are leaving the farm to seek their fame in the Big City.

Oops

2008-06-17T21:13:00.001-05:00

marriedtothesea.com

I still laughed in a bitterly, ironic way.

Wheres the Blood, Screaming and PTSD?

2008-06-17T11:37:00.001-05:00

Wheeeee!

AN ARMY OF FUN - New York Post

June 15, 2008 -- We're going to Army World!

In August, the military plans to open its first Army Experience Center, a combination recruiting center/video arcade/retail store to promote serving your country.

Rumored to becoming to Times Square, it'll be like the Disney Store, except with guns and camouflage.

The 14,500-square-foot center will be a multimedia extrava ganza with high-tech gadgetry, including flight simulators and life-size soldier video games.

That person greeting you at the door? That's an actual Army officer.

While the Army will sell a small amount of merchandise at the venue, the focus is on building "brand experiences" that give poten tial recruits a taste of military service.

Last summer, the Army appointed its first official chief marketing officer, Edward Walters, a 38-year-old West Point grad armed with an MBA and a marketing stint at Kraft Foods.

Walters said the Army store is a prototype for a new kind of recruitment office and is the latest example of the military's increasing use of marketing tools to attract the next generation of soldiers.

"We're moving away from normal recruiting offices and desks to places where men and women can experience military service," he said.

"We've been doing that with innovative techniques like interaction with real soldiers and high-tech virtual experiences."

The Army already holds elaborate marketing events around the country to entice potential recruits. For instance, mobile Army Strong Zones offer rock-climbing walls and weapons demonstrations. It also has started to use Facebook and MySpace, as well as online gaming and cellphone messages.

In 2006, the Army tapped ad agency McCann Erickson to craft a $200 million ad campaign with the "Army Strong" tagline.

"Traditional marketing has been challenging," Walters said. "When you're just focused on TV and the Web, it's hard to get the full message out there."

The Army barely exceeded its overall goal of adding 80,000 soldiers last year, and only after relaxing standards, such as allowing recruits who lacked high-school diplomas.

via- Disinfo.com

The Sheeple say "Bahhhhhh"

2008-06-16T07:11:00.000-05:00

Neil Young Fans Suddenly Love War

Despite four decades of feverishly anti-establishment rocking by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, fans are showing up at concerts and booing the rock veterans for performing anti-war tunes. They've even been marching out en masse in protest against songs like "Ohio" and "Military Madness." "The forthcoming documentary 'CSNY: Deja Vu' charts that friction, portraying fans who saluted the group's efforts and those who felt betrayed by them, while introducing viewers to Iraqi War vets who are now protesting the war as musicians, politicians and social workers. Directed by Young and due in theaters July 25, the film blends concert and behind-the-scenes footage with short news features created by CNN correspondent Mike Cerre."

Q: One of the film's most powerful scenes shows Atlanta fans angrily filing out of the venue, not before telling you to go to hell, and that's putting it kindly. When you look back on the tour, are there faces and middle fingers in particular that stick out?

Neil Young: "I remember some faces. There's one guy I remember for sure, and he's not in the movie. This was a harrowing experience at times, and it's not an experience that I would like to repeat. I think it was a one-off. I think if I did this kind of thing for the rest of my life, I'd become like CNN, and I don't really respect that very much. It's like the same thing on a loop. I don't see the need for that. I like to be a full-length program, not a repeating segment."

Q: Besides Atlanta, the reaction in Orange County, California, was particularly bad, and even spurred fights. Did the negative reactions cause you to second-guess yourself at all?

Young: "There was never any sense of giving up or anything. We went from July 4 to September 10 on the tour, and I remember feeling glad that we weren't playing on September 11. There were moments throughout it where you just shook your head and said, 'God, what are we doing?' But the songs were there, the feeling was there, the audience was there, and we were doing it."

I remember the commercials in the 80's for CSNY doing a concert for Vietnam Vets, and all these guys in their uniforms grooving. I'm gonna bet that the walk outs aren't vets and have never seen any military action.

It's been a long time comin'
It's goin' to be a Long Time Gone.
And it appears to be a long,
Appears to be a long,
Appears to be a long
Time, yes, a long, long, long ,long time before the dawn.

Turn, turn any corner.
Hear, you must hear what the people say.
You know there's something that's goin' on around here,
The surely, surely, surely won't stand the light of day.
And it appears to be a long,
Appears to be a long,
Appears to be a long
Time, yes, a long, long, long ,long time before the dawn.

Speak out, you got to speak out against the madness,
You got to speak your mind,
If you dare.
But don't no don't now try to get yourself elected
If you do you had better cut your hair.
`Cause it appears to be a long,
Appears to be a long,
Appears to be a long,
Time, such a long long long long time before the dawn.

It's been a long time comin'
It's goin' to be a long time gone.
But you know,
The darkest hour is always
Always just before the dawn.
And it appears to be a long, appears to be a long,
Appears to be a long
Time before the dawn.

An cute story

2008-06-15T21:39:00.004-05:00

We had a party last night. Festa Junina, which is the Brazilian Harvest Festival where everyone dresses up like Brazilian Hillbillies (which look pretty much like American Hillbillies), and they dance etc.

Some guests to our parties bring their children, often with nothing to entertain them. So last night, seeing that they were already bored 5 minutes within walking in, decided to put on a movie for them.

What should I put on? Kill Bill Nah. Looney Tunes? Sure...Wait...The Princess Bride!

Mark: Yes! You kids have to watch The Princess Bride. Its one of my favorites and one of the best movies ever.

Gabriel (age 7) Can we watch Looney Tunes please?

Mark: No. I promise you'll love it. Sure it's got a girly name, but it's got sword fights, and giants, and monsters and all kinds of cool stuff.

The movie comes on and Grandpa tells Fred Savage pretty much the same thing I just told Gabriel. I think it reassured him as he didn't say anything else after the movie started. Maybe he was just hypnotized by the magic picture box.

Princess Buttercup is kidnapped and jumps overboard from the ship. Here come the Shrieking Eels. The eel turns and charges

Caroline (Age 11): Ahhhh! I'm scared!...Eel scene cuts to Grampa telling Fred Savage, "The eels don't eat the Princess. I just thought I'd tell you because you look a little worried. Then it's back to the eel scene.

During the sword fight I hear Caroline say, "Wow, cool!"

Eric the Dad walks by, looks at the TV: Oh wow, The Princess Bride! I'm gonna stay and watch it.

5 minutes later, Alessandra walks by: "Ooo! The Princess Bride!

A little while after that, the tv party got broken up by the fact of the Festa Junina. But for a short time there was some small coincidental magic going on. Later I gave the dvd to Eric to take with him and he said they would all watch it together at home.

That's all for now.

Noose Necklaces Net Nagging

2008-06-13T10:24:00.001-05:00

Disney 'Noose' Necklaces Raise Concerns

ORLANDO, Fla. -- Necklaces with golden noose-shaped pieces being sold to promote Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean line have some people fuming.

"It looks like a noose and I don't like it," a resident said after seeing the jewelry.

The necklace is being carried by some online retailers but cannot be found on Disney.com. However, it is part of Disney Couture's Pirates of the Caribbean line, WTSP-TV reported.

"I think that is ridiculous to let people see that and the kids today," a man said.

St. Petersburg's NAACP President Norman Brown said the necklace raised racial overtones for him.

"If I saw someone wearing that, I would be uncomfortable with that, regardless of what race because, to me, it's like taking the law into your own hands," Brown said. "The thing that came to my mind when I saw the noose was lynchings."

The jewelry line also features a necklace with skull and cross bones and slingshot bobbles.

The NAACP said they don't believe Disney meant any harm by the necklace but they are asking the company not to display it at theme parks or online.

Disney has not commented on the jewelry.

Capn Marrrrk A-Z

2008-06-11T10:17:00.005-05:00

I had to attend a company seminar yesterday about "Attitude". It was a complete waste of my time because actually I felt I could do more for the company if I was working on my project instead of sitting in a meeting wondering why all the cute girls there were single mothers under the age of 25.

How do I know this? Because we had to take 30 seconds to tell everyone things about ourself. The person who gave the most facts in that time won a company logoed teddy bear.

This made me think of a shopping list for myself which evolved into this post.

A- Alcoholic/Addict: sober 16 years. Alpha Male: I'm not.

B- Bald: I shave 2x a week and am cool with it. I look goooooood.

C-Computer: Upon which 85% of my waking time is spent for all my entertainment and education needs. Greatest thing ever.

D-Discworld: Sits on the back of 4 elephants who ride a giant turtle through space in 30+ books written by Terry Prachett my favorite author.

E-Enlightenment: Once sought in a New Agey way, now abandoned.

F-Fuck: My favorite word

G-God/Goddess: I used to pray my first 7 years in sobriety. Then I slowly became an atheist.

H-Hair: The Rock Opera sound track my father used to play constantly when i was younger which probably went a long way to warping my personality as a child, as did Hogan's Heroes (according to my Mom).

I-Ice Muncher: Unrepentant. I hear it's bad for your teeth.

J-Johnny Socko: My love of Science Fiction came from this Japanese show of a boy and his flying robot. Consequently, Johnny carried a gun, shot people and flew with a jet pack. How fucking cool is that?

K-Kiss: I once dated a girl who (I swear) could unhinge her jaw like a snake for 180 degrees of face-eating kissing. In 1976 KISS was also the first concert I ever attened. My wife is not Snake Girl but is indeed a great kisser.

L-Lexapro: Anti-depressant. Apparently I went undiagnosed with a General Anxiety Disorder for 28 years as well as having serious depression. Lexapro makes me feel much better.

M-Michael: Rumor has it this was to be my name, but my parents changed it at the last minute. Oddly enough I haven't felt like a Mark most of my life though I don't think Mike would fit. Subsequently all Marks with a K think all Marcs are total pussies, with only one exception, all Marcs I met were.

O-Orgasm: Global Orgasm Day

N-No Touch Monkey: Really, don't touch the fucking thing. They are filthy creatures.

P-Plattner's Modern Man: A clothing store aimed towards black men founded by my Grandfather in East St. Louis, then run into the ground by my Dad and Uncle. This resulted in the bank foreclosing on my father's house which put him outside on Oct 31 cleaning the pool for prospective buyers when he fell into the pool (jumped?) and drowned. Platypus, Plattapussy, Plattmuff, (Pattadick, Plattaclit) part of a song sung in fun, Pussner, Platta, Platts, Uncle Platts, Uncle P, P are all nicknames I've held over the years.

Q-Queen-They will Rock You! Also slang for homosexual which my mom thought I was during my teen years. To her credit, she had several gay friends and would have been cool with it had that been the case.

R-Rings, wedding: by Margaret Thede (mine's the one on the far left)

S-Strattera: Controls my ADHD which also went undiagnosed until last year. This accounts for the 35 jobs I've had since college. It grounds the fuck out of me and keeps me mostly on task. I love this stuff, it's magic.

T-Tracy: My sister whom I love, but is so different from me that communication is nearly impossible. Is married to and emotionally and mentally abusive tool.

U-Underwear: Fruit O' The Loom Boxer Briefs

V-Victory: I'm not a very competitive person, subsequently I lose a lot of games I play. I tried many sports and performed so poorly at them that I now believe organized sports are for suckers.

W-Wife: Alessandra. She's so awesome I should do an entire A to Z on her. Wheeeeee!

X-XXX Porn: I do indeed watch it. Alessandra doesn't care.

Y-Youth: I'm not as young anymore, where did the time go? My body is beginning to break down and it is beginning to bother me.

Z-Zeta Reticuli: My family once saw a UFO over a swanky mall in the County when I was young. It was a hovering row of lights that made no sound and changed colors a few times before disappearing.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

2008-06-09T07:34:00.000-05:00

Bangkok - In a case that has baffled Thai police, a 40-year-old man was found dead on Sunday with a badly bitten cobra carcass in his hands and a condom on his penis, news reports said.

Wiroj Banlen, 40, was found dead on the side of a dirt road near Lamsai village of Ayutthaya province at 07:00 on Sunday.

A preliminary police autopsy revealed Wiroj had several snake bites on his right leg and his cheeks, said The Nation online news service.

The dead cobra found clenched in Wiroj's hands had also been bitten several times, and snake remnants were found in the dead man's teeth, suggesting a case of man-bites-snake in revenge.

More puzzling for police investigating the case was the condom, which contained no semen, found on Wiroj's penis. Police speculated that Wiroj was removing his trousers when the cobra struck.

Wiroj's body was sent to hospital for a post-mortem. - Sapa-dpa

Link

Alessandra Dreams...

2008-06-08T10:12:00.000-05:00

Really, she dreamed about it last night. We desire organic pancakes in a can!

Unfortunately they are not sold in STL so we are SOL. Luckily they anticipate full
national distribution by July 2008. So we have our fingers crossed.

Poi Dog Pondering: A 20 year love affair

2008-06-05T07:20:00.011-05:00

This post is written without coffee, while I reflect whether anyone really reads or cares about the personal stuff I write here.

When you're young, your choice in bands sets the soundtrack of your life and helps you identify who you are. 20 years ago I saw my first Poi Dog Pondering show at hole in the wall dive in Columbia, Missouri and my soundtrack was set. Last night I saw Poi Dog after a 3 year audio hiatus, 5 years and two albums of disappointment while they toured a new album I knew nothing about and is the impetus of this post so you can see how the songs of the Frank Orrall and the music of Poi Dog Pondering have been interwoven in the fabric of my life.

Poi Stories

You are a butterfly and my eyes are needles.
"Pure Poetry," says Tim Volas, a friend from Jr. High rediscovered in college. We are working at Shakespeare's Pizza in Columbia, Missouri. "You have to listen to these guys." Tim has control over the store stereo, and it is played often while I wash dishes in the back and deliver pizzas. Soon Poi comes to town and I see them in a shit hole bar, The Blue Note (v1). 8 people are crammed on a tiny stage making crazy noise with a trumpet, a mandolins an accordian and one instance a frying pan. It was high energy Bedlam and I was hooked.

YouTube - Poi Dog Pondering - Living With the Dreaming Body

"No this band is not 'just like Rusted Root'! Just because there is a penny whistle in both 'hits' does not make it the same. The energy is totally different, the sound is totally different!" (I've never heard any Rusted Root beyond their one song.) Say what you want about me, but don't Dis my fucking band.

I turn on several fraternity brothers to Poi Dog Pondering. I am the only one who can whistle the entire penny whistle solo in "Living with the Dreaming Body." At least I thought I could. I smoked a lot of weed back then.

Relentlessly climbing, encumbering and swallowing fresh pain. Melting, reemerging and rising up clean in the pouring rain. Rise up in the pouring rain, only to drop down and decay again.

During my student teaching, I used Poi's "Fact of Life" in my lessons about the New England Transcendentalist. The kids generally don't dig it. While I'm only 4 years older than them, they are obligated to hate everything the teacher does because I am an old man to them.

A lifetime of accomplishments of which the dirt knows none, only in death can one truly return.

I am living in my first post college apartment, which is some guy's furnished basement. I met him through an agency. Later he kicked me out for being consistently late with the rent.

A girlfriend gives me a cassette of Poi's second album "Wishing Like a Mountain, Thinking Like the Sea" for my birthday. It is several months before I actually listen to it because I suffer from anxiety and acute thanophobia and I never make it past the first song which is about death. Eventually I listen to it and come to love the song and entire album.

At bar one night watching a local Dead cover band, I meet a fellow named Henry Horning who becomes a close friend. He lives with me for a while in the basement and I turn him on to Poi Dog Pondering. He takes that love back with him to Cleveland where he turns on his entire immediate and local extended family on to Poi. Parents, Siblings, Nieces and Nephews. Poi becomes the family soundtrack played at weddings and births and get togethers. The family has road tripped to Chicago and around Ohio to catch shows. I love the Hornings. They're awesome.

Lost fragment: at one concert in Columbia, the concert gets interrupted by a bomb threat. Everyone goes outside and we hang around chatting with the band, smoking our cigs until the show goes on.

Me, Henry and Henry's Sister Mary-Helen (in town to go to nursing school) go see a Poi show. Mary-Helen runs into a guy she knows, and they REALLY hit it off at the show. They start dating and eventually marry. I include this story because MH became a close friend of mine talking me into calling Alessandra for the first time (with Poi playing in the background, of course) from her apt. one night.

Sometimes like a dream you come cut from the same cloth
The light in your palm so white I feel it in my heart
Horse hoof imprint on the saddle back bare hide of a horse
You come with steam of breath and Caligula's's head
To me so lonesome and longing and so unsatisfied
Even with all this beauty flooding deep into my eyes
Stop for a moment and listen to the wind
See the trees, leaves the sun they catch and their rustling din

One day friend of Mary Helen's comes to town from Ohio for a Poi show. I take the day off to play tour guide. We go to the Arch, hang out and have a great time, stopping by the Bar to try and say hi to the Band during sound check, but they are already gone. We are told it is going to be a driving, high energy show. Me and this guy have a great day. We hear "Jackass Ginger" for the first time and are blown away.
I never see or hear from this dude again, but a great time was had by all.

Two long years are spent waiting and hoping for a new Poi CD. At this point all I'm listening to is The Grateful Dead and Poi Dog Pondering. I don't have a stereo, so the only place I listen to music is in my car. I am sent a box of promotional cassettes with several songs from "Volo Volo". One night after a night at a bar I drunkenly make my friends listen to the songs in the car before driving home." I don't go to AA for another year or so.

Hey! Hey! Hey!
Slippy side, Side-Side-Side go to go

a long time gone and a long time past
so soon so soon -- Lack Luster Lack Luster
how can I muster
The faith That I need to see
The Things I need to see --
on again off again
Bronco
try to hold on to the ribs
of the situation at hand.

a long time gone and a long time past,
since I felt That Things were within my grasp. . .
wheel roll round
round, round, round -- hear that Sound.

Volo Volo is finally released, nearly every song is the story of my life and probably yours too. You should listen to it, it's really good. I am totally floundering around in my life. My desire to be a teacher has fallen apart, I'm a likely alcoholic living in a shitty apartment with no AC in a St. Louis Summer. Winter almost kills me when all the heat goes out the walls, I owe a few grand for a computer I bought which does nearly nothing I need it to do (Mac Color Classic in 92? Craptacular). I have few to no friends. Thing pretty much suck, but I have the Poi to listen to and it keeps some part of me uplifted.

I've got my body I've got my soul
I have so much to learn now this I know
I might have eyes I might have fingers and toes
But tell me what good are all those things
if you ain't got your soul
I've got my body I've got my soul
Someday I might have a million dollars,
then again I might have only
One change of clothes
You may deal in silver you may deal in gold
But tell me what good are all those things
if you ain't got your soul
Now cut me bleeding down fallen
if I should rob from my soul
Let the sight of my blood remind me
of the truths I do know
Like the fleeting hold the body has on the soul
I've got my body I've got my soul
Help me keep it true help me keep it straight
help me to heep hold
Cut me bleeding down fallen
if I should rob form my soul
And let the sight of blood remind me
of the truths I do know

(Bridge)
Because every time you lie deceive or cheer
you lose a little bit
Lose a little bit lose a little bit of your soul

Eventually I get some of my shit together. Stop drinking and go back to school to learn a new trade. I spend time hanging out with Mary-Helen and as previously mentioned she convinces me to call up Alessandra while I operate on Poi courage. We make plans to fix her step-dad's computer. After a comedy of errors and some time passing we eventually begin dating.

Drowning in my heart to be drowning in your arms
won't you take me?
Three summers eves, tangled up in sheets won't you take me?
Take me!
I'm as steady as a see-saw, and as longing as the wind
visions come so filling I swoon-whoo-hooon.

YouTube- Be The One

Alessandra and I spend a lot of time in my very messy apartment making love to Poi Dog Pondering.

3 fucking years pass without a new Poi CD. But they continue to tour.

Sorrow is an angel that comes to you in blue light
and shows you what is wrong just to see if you'll set it right
and I've fucked up so many times in my life --
that I want to get it right this time.

Complicated, it's all right.
So tell me something someone and help me get it right,
or hit me over the head, box me up and say good night.
I can't stand to see myself go through the motions
that bring me back into these same old sad emotions.

Alessandra finally gets to see Poi along with my mom one night. "Complicated" is played for the first time in STL. Ale gets hassled by security after the show when she wants an autograph because she is underage. She gets bounced, but I don't recall if she gets in a quick hug afterwards.

"Pomegranate" is released. It sounds totally different from the other albums in that it is very, lush and stringy with a hint of "house music" in it. After the second listen it sinks it's hooks and is here to stay.

I am working at a local microbrewery designing labels. Alessandra and I make up two cases of beer with custom Poi Dog labels on it to take to a show in Columbia. After the show I present the beer to the band. When asked for a hug by Frank I get a great big. "FUCK YEAH!"

Alessandra's Parents go to Indonesia to work for 6-8 months. By the end of week two I've moved in to her house. By the end of the month we have taken up residence in the Master Bedroom.

1995 Jerry Garcia Dies. Dead and Poi are mostly what I listen to. Alessandra's parents return home and we get an apartment together. One night while watching something on ABC we hear as part of an ABC promo the opening music to "Complicated". Alessandra and I totally freak out with joy. Poi has hit the mainstream?! We never see it again.

I need something to take me over the top

Halloween 1996 my father falls in a swimming pool and drowns.

Poi performs 6 shows at the Vic Theater in Chicago. They add a 7th night which falls on my 30th birthday. Alessandra and I road trip up to Chi to catch the show. It's fucking electric! There are dancers and costumes, Frank on stilts 12-15 musicians and back up singers...complete Pandemonium! Several songs have been retooled and I smile for the 1st time in a month. Happy 30th Birthday indeed.

Later after the shows have been engineered and are being sold as "Liquid White Light" I see myself in a photo on the website, holding Frank up while he crowd surfs.

Poi goes on tour with The Dave Matthews Band. Because we don't know when the next Poi show is, we decide to go to the concert to get a hit of Poi Energy. Poi's set is fantastic, but like all opening acts, there is jackshit for audience there. Alessandra and I dance our asses off as do the Interpreters for the Deaf. We've never seen anything like it. After the set, Ale and I are accosted by members of the audience who have seen us shaking it, asking us who the hell that was that they just saw and were we with the band. "No we reply, but we did come to specifically to see them. We don't know DMB, but we'll give him a chance since he sold out a large outdoor venue.

5 songs in to DMB Ale and I get bored and leave.

Life goes on. I change jobs.

Note: Jesus, this is taking all day. Somebody better fucking read this.

"Natural Thing" is released in 1999. I only like 3 tracks on it. It's to House Loungy and electronic for me. It's even more radical than "Pomegranate". I don't really listen to it.

October 9, 1999 Alessandra and I get married. "Say that you'll be the one" is our first dance.

I change jobs several times and begin listening to other music, but still keeping Poi at the top of my list.

2001:
"Sweeping Up the Cutting Room Floor previously unreleased studio out-takes 1987 - 1994" is released.

Meh. Some songs are only OK, but I don't find myself listening to it.

I change jobs again.

2003 I find out that Poi is finally coming back to town in support of their new album. Happy Days. It's been something like 4 years or so since a Poi show. I work right down the street from the venue, so I buy tickets at lunch and then buy the new album "With Seed Comes Fruit"

I think it's awful. It's so unPoi that I can't bear to listen to it. It's more clubby and I don't know, just so off from what I want that immediately reject it, as does Alessandra. The night of the show, we sell our tickets and decide not to go to the show. We are both very disappointed.

By 2006 I am no longer listening to the Grateful Dead and Poi Dog Pondering has nearly faded away. The Dead because now that I've been sober for 12+ years and no longer in the culture, I discovered something the rest of the world knows. They sound like shit when you aren't stoned. And as for Poi...if you don't like the what they've been putting out, and you aren't going to the shows...then you aren't reinforced in your consciousness.

And you who say that in death we will pay
the dead, they can't hear a word that you say
Your words are not kind, sober or giving
they only put fear in the hearts of the living
So put away your tongue and roll up your sleeves
Pick up that shovel and bury me deep."

Around this time I discovered that I was missing out with music. I wanted to express myself so I started playing guitar. "Bury Me Deep" was one of the first songs I learned. I had a goal to write my own songs and perform in front of an audience.

Years went by and it didn't happen, though I practiced nearly every day. I just couldn't get any better. However, one night I went to an open guitar jam where everyone takes a turn teaching the group a song. I declined my turn, but was talked into giving it a try. So I taught them Bury Me Deep, then I led the group of 12 or so guys into a version where I sang it in a quavery voice. I felt empowered and could fully understand why Frank does what he does.

Things being what they were. 3 years later I gave up the guitar for drawing.

Christ man. It's like a laundry list...have you made it this far? It seemed like a good idea last night as I lay there in bed after the show. What show? Read on.

2006 saw Alessandra in Brasil visiting her family and me on my own for 2 weeks. I saw that Poi was coming to STLs newest swank venue The Pageant. I decided to rally my friends Sappo and Kevin to go to the show. It had been so long since I saw Poi, I had to go. So I paid my 20 skins and went.

Oh no! It was a stripped down version of Poi with only 4 people. Crap. Poi has a fat sound. You've got congas and drums and shakers, a violin, backup singers, saxophones, the works. This was 3 core members and I think a drummer. It was a crippled Poi at a fraction of the power...They didn't even fill the place. In Chicago they can easily draw 1000+, but STL only a couple hundred. An hour into the show Frank started noodling Electronic House. I left early greatly saddened.

2007
Recently we bought a portable hard drive for all our music. 80 Gigs filled to brim, but when I needed some space for file transport. Poi was one of the first things I dumped after The Grateful Dead. It had been a long time since I listened to them. I would skip the tracks whenever they popped up on random.

2008
April. I was running errands and on a whim I grabbed "Wishing Like A Mountain Thinking Like the Sea" for the cd player. "Hey. I thought to myself. This is a pretty good album it holds up." Then the next day, driving out to my sister's house Alessandra and I listened to Wishing again and lamented the lack of Poi in our lives.

Just before the end a great efflorescence
A plead to the will of the sea
A great soul collective
Painters pile paint upon paint
Losing themselves to get what they see
Enshrouded in a cocoon of doom
And then set free YouTube- Jack Ass Ginger

May 2008
I happen to see in our local "alt" paper that Poi is playing next week. Wait, they have a new album? Wait, it's sort of a return to an earlier era, not quite, but sort of? I run the idea past Alessandra. I could honestly go either way. She says yes, she does indeed want to go and I am very trepidatious
. I don't tell any of my friends. Tickets are bought, but we can't find the album around here anywhere.

Last night we get to the show when the doors open. We want a table because of Alessandra's fibroid (Named Junior). As we are going down the stairs we run full into Frank watching the CDs. Ale starts talking to him. Tables are being snatched away. I say "Hi" and hustle off to snag the last table.

Later I go back to Frank (who doesn't know me...obviously) and tell him about the concert I went to after my dad died. It's funny, because the guy has no idea how much his music entwined in my life. Look at all this shit above. Me and the music were like that (crosses fingers), then had a falling out.

Frank looks older, and puffier. Cherubic with thinning hair, his voice rough. I was concerned that it was played and that it wouldn't be up to snuff for the show. I wish I could have told him how much his music meant to me over the years, but I'm sure he has heard it before.

It was a full on Poi show with 9 members on stage. The violinist had taken off for a family emergency, but fucking rocked! It reminded me of my very first show seen back in the old Blue Note. With that one exception in 2006, Frank and co have always put on a first class show. At one point they dispensed with the set list and began taking requests, even willing to fuck up a song or two due to lack of practice. It was sweet.
The new songs, the new album. They're good. Good and Real

So today, after a long slog of typing, after a gap of many years. I am once again filled with Poi Energy.

There is a guy out there who

2008-06-05T07:09:00.002-05:00

is my upper head doppelganger.

as found by Bsti of Sock Dreams.com who was apparently thinking of me within a few hours of me thinking of him. BTW Bsti...that is a SWEET! logo.

Dildos will always be dildos

2008-06-04T12:47:00.000-05:00

Gas prices haven't put Hummers in park yet | Chron.com - Houston Chronicle

The Hummer, it would seem, does not just have fair-weather fans.

Even as gasoline prices tick continuously upward, Matthew Lee's affection for his Hummer H2 has not headed south.

He does feel a little stuck with it, though.

"The market on them has basically dried up," said Lee, a law student.

Lee is not planning on getting rid of his Hummer. But GM might be.

The automobile manufacturer announced Tuesday that it is considering revamping the brand or selling it. The news came out of an annual meeting in which the company's CEO also announced that the company would close four truck and SUV plants because of low sales and high gasoline prices.

Lee's Hummer is not the main family car, said the 25-year-old who lives downtown. He drives his Hummer about once a week, usually to shuttle his wife and friends out on the town for dinner. Mostly he and his wife carpool in her SUV.

When Lee bought the H2 in 2003, he knew it would eat gasoline. But even at about 10 mpg, it was doing better than the old pickup he had been driving, he said.

"It is a second car," Lee said. "It stays parked. We might as well hold onto it."

Indeed, there is probably not a gas price that would induce Robert Mielke and his wife, Dr. Theresa Honeycutt, to get rid of their Hummer H1, an SUV that is safe and has enough room to fit children and grandchildren.

"The overall economy would have to go into the dump before something like that would happen," Mielke said.

Auggie Mathis is probably the Hummer's No. 1 cheerleader. Mathis owns four himself, but he is also the Hummer sales manager for Ron Carter Hummer in Friendswood. Though sales of SUVs have dropped in the area, Mathis says, residents are still buying Hummers. He sold 65 to 70 in the past two months, he said.

"I cannot imagine not driving a Hummer," Mathis said. "I would cut back on other expenses before I would cut back on driving my truck."

For him, the Hummer offers tons of room for his family of six and enough sportiness for him to veer off road onto the beach or into the mountains.

Even Ramona Arnold gets the Hummer charm.

"It's a looker," she said.

But she's looking at the Hummer from inside her Smart Car.

Her tiny Mercedes-made car gets about 37 mpg in the city — and that's with air-conditioning and her admittedly lead foot.

The gas mileage alone makes her feel smart in her car, Arnold said. But she has also squeezed into the remnants of a parking spot, next to a Hummer that was hogging two.

" I felt real confident in my tiny car," she said.

My brother in law drives an Avalanche. He's a dildo who probably won't give up his Dildomobile either.